A Red Sox State of Maine

Rock. Bottom.

So, apparently the Red Sox did do a gut check and found...nothing.

Absolutely nothing.

Six innings passed today before the Red Sox actually put a ball in play where the NY Yankees weren't. At least yesterday, when Ortiz finally connected, it left the yard. This was a pathetic single, the first of two hits. Two. In a way, I almost wish that Wang had completely no hit them, because it might have served as a powerful bucket of ice water to a team that is apparently content to rest on the past glory of May. To all the "faith" crowd out there, if you can find a silver lining to this, please, by all means let me know what it is. I need a good laugh right now.

So the Sox limp home after being humiliated in the Bronx (and we get to look forward to the return of another Theo mancrush, the 100-pitches-by-the-5th-and-clocked-anyway Jon Lester this weekend. Yippee!) It's not as if you can even say, well, this was an aberration, this isn't what this team has been about. This was vintage 2007 Sox, magnified 1000x because of the opponent. Just ask Dice-K, for crissake. With the exception of the completely unprecedented eruption in Chicago last weekend, the Sox have struggled to find themselves at the plate all year. I do fully expect they will cruise through the rest of the weak September schedule and probably win the division, though, because that's what paper tigers do.

For me, it's not enough to just be leading the division still. This was a prime opportunity for the Sox to demonstrate to the league that they know how to rise to an occasion as well as put the Yankees on notice that this was their year, and they completely blew it. We were all looking for a little show of heart and soul against a Yankee team on the ropes after a tough road trip, and instead were treated to a parody of Night of the Living Dead (actually, the zombies coming after Ben and Co. were probably more lifelike). The Red Sox may make the playoffs on the back of a great spring, but they've got a long way to go before I'm convinced they've got the balls to take it all.

Ok, I may be done whining, but I'm still majorly pissed off over this Carnival of Suck, and yes, I do intend to wallow in it for quite a little while, thank you very much. I will be in the corner in a fetal position, and if you hear the occasional "J.D. DREW SUCKS!" or "FUCK YOU, AROD!" coming from my direction, just close the door. It'll pass.

Thank God for two weeks of bottom feeders coming up.

Sad Showing

It's gut check time in the Nation.

Remember the Chicago White Sox, guys? Remember the absolute punishment you laid on them for three  straight days not a week ago? Well, now reach back in the recesses of your mind and remember that those same White Sox on August 2nd knocked Roider out of the box, nailing him for nine hits and eight runs in less than two innings. The fans in the Bronx booed him off the mound.  Logic follows that the Red Sox-they of the "best record in baseball" mantra-should have been able to do something similar, right? But, no. Instead, they laid over and died for the fat man. One run on two hits. No hits through five. Way to go, fellas. Way to show that you really belong on this stage.

Oh, and one more thing-NO EXCUSES. I don't want to hear anyone in RSN saying, "Yeah, but Manny's  out." Yes, the Manster is taking a pass on yet another Yankee series-his timing is impeccable, and btw, isn't this the same injury that kept Trot on the DL for a month last year?-but these are the breaks in this game. Winners find a way to work around it (see: New England Patriots), not use it as a reason to not rise to the occasion. Besides, there have been plenty of pathetic offensive showings by this team this year with Manny standing dead center in the lineup.

Josh Beckett could have cemented his standing as the Cy Young favorite this year with an outstanding performance last night. Instead, he let nerves get the best of him early on, giving up three runs in the second and innumerable hits along the way. As he is wont to do, Francona left him in too long, and that "a-bomb to A-Rod" was the difference in the game. It is reported that Beckett said "Stupid pitch, stupid spot,” when asked about it, although my guess is that was the sanitized version. I'm thinking it was more like, "Fucking stupid horseshit pitch in a motherfucking stupid fucking spot, you motherfucker." I'd be a little disappointed if it were anything less.  Remember when Beckett was 11-1, folks? He's only a .500 pitcher since that heady time, and hasn't brought his "A" game much at all lately.

No, folks, I'm not "worried" about the division, although if the Yanks win today, and with Manny out for an indeterminate time, I could get worried. I am aware that the Sox are still 6 up with only the month of September to play. But I am very disappointed in the level of play I see on display in this series, although in truth it's not much different than what we've seen in sometimes long spurts from the Sox all year. If they can't rise to the occasion for an August series in the Bronx-the biggest stage they've been on since June-well, I fear it doesn't bode well for their post-season chances. As Masseroti said in the Herald today, when push comes to shove, the Sox get shut down.

I wish I had more faith in Schill to salvage one win today, but the fact of the matter is he has shit the bed against the Bombers this year-really, has since the bloody sock. Still, he's a very proud guy, and loves nothing more than the chance to be the hero. Let's hope that works in his favor this time.

(Pic lifted from bostonherald.com) 

Things That Would Be Better Than Kicking Roger Clemens' Ass Tonight

Nothing.

Well, maybe personally handling the resignations of Bush and Cheney after they were caught in the Oval Office with their pants down, smoking crack.

But that's it.

Yuck the Fankees

Yes, I know, the "it's only one game" crap. Yes, I know the Sox are still seven up-as opposed to Mountain Dew?-and yes, I know the worst they can leave the Bronx is five up. I know all that. I don't care. I HATE losing to the yucking Fankees. I just goddamn hate it.

Thoughts:

1. Dice-K didn't pitch as good a game as he should have. Five runs in seven innings won't cut it in the Bronx, son. Giving up homers to Derek Jeter and Johnny Damon is simply unacceptable. Melky Cabrera, Andy Phillips, ok. But not those two.

2. Hey, Jabba the Hutt, or whatever your name is, you're new, so let me clue you in on a little something: there's no reason to spaz out because you struck out freakin' J.D. Drew to end an inning. Every pitcher in the league has done it at least once. So chill, buddy. It's not that special.

3. Have you ever seen anything more pathetic in your life than that Eric Hinske at-bat against Jabba? My grandmother could have put more of a fight up there, and she died in 1979. I'll prove it to you, just get me a flashlight and a shovel. C'mon, Grammy. We're playing the Yanks (come to think of it, she was a Yankee fan, so maybe I'd better just leave her where she is).

4. Unless there is a bone showing, Manny Ramirez had better be in that lineup tomorrow. Bobby Kielty better be available, too.

5. Johnny Damon is still a schmuck. My grandmother could also probably have hit a ball 315 feet to the short right field in Yankee Stadium, which is what he did. In fact, she probably dreamed about it.   

Better to just down a pint and forget about this one, although I do not want to see the look of complacency on the face of one single member of Red Sox Nation. I don't care if the Sox are twenty games ahead with five left to play, these are the Yankees and the satisfaction is still in beating their brains out on the field. Crushing them is always the only acceptable option.

Beckett vs Roider tomorrow, 7:05pm. I'm sorry, but if at anytime since 1997 you were ever hoping that Clemens would return to the Red Sox, then you just don't get it and never will.

(Pic from mlb.com)

A Word About Michael Vick

The pundit repsonse to his so-called "apology" is making me sick. Mike & Mike on ESPN practically orgasmed over how sincere it all was and how it will put him on the right footing when he's looking to come back in the league, c.2010. The NAACP of Atlanta continues to try and impeach the credibilty of Vick's co-defendants-as if that were possible-instead of holding Vick accountable for what he admits he did. Matt Crossman pleads for mercy on Vick's soul.

Well, he'll get none from me. You can add Michael Vick to the long list of those who became remorseful only after they got caught. Were it not for the fact that he was looking at jail time, the loss of millions of dollars, and across the board contempt, he would still be merrily placing bets on which dog was more likely to rip the face off another dog. He's not sorry over his treatment of the animals. He's sorry that his treatment of the animals has put him in this untenable position, and Vick is a man who has never been held to account for anything in his life, much less on this large a scale. Welcome to earth, Mr. Vick.

I also think there is a larger lesson here, one the NAACP is finding out the hard way. This should put a lot of hero-worshippers and hangers-on on notice that these athletes are not always what you think they are, or, more accurately, what you would like them to be. They are human beings. They may have been blessed with a remarkable athletic talent, but just like the general population, there are a certain percentage who are ugly and cruel and stupid...like Michael Vick.

At least, he's not checking himself into rehab.

The Most Fun Ever On An Off Day

Ok, so Sox were off last night, a well-deserved day of rest after that righteous takedown of the White Sox over the weekend. It is also fortuitous, considering the Red Sox had an extra day to kick back or tool around New York or drink Sam Adams while the Yanks-their opponent for the next three games-were getting their teeth kicked in in Detroit. The Yankees managed three hits off Verlander and Miner while the Tigers were taking Mussina and a cast of thousands to the woodshed (what is Sean Henn doing pitching for a major league team, anyway? Nine runs in two and two thirds?) Man, Mussina looked like he'd rather be watching John Henry do the can-can than throw another pitch up there that was only going to find the gap again anyway. What's really amazing is that the Tigers scored 16 runs with only one homer. Nice job, guys. Thanks, Moose. You're a Yankee mercenary and by all accounts a real prick, so I don't feel the least bit sorry for you. I hope you keep bleeding all over those cheesy pinstripes.

I channel surfed between the Tanks on ESPN and the Sea Dogs on NESN, carrying Jon Lester's start for Portland (I tried to get a ticket for the game, but alas, it was sold out. C'est la vie.)  He did a good job, giving up only one run over six innings in his first start with the Sea Dogs since 2005, and the Dogs began their last regular-season  homestand with a 5-2 win over the Trenton Thunder, the Yankees' farm team. Portland is now tied with the New Hampshire Fisher Cats for the final playoff spot in the Eastern League's Northern Division, with a week remaining in the regular season. The family felines are nervous (all big Cats fans!), but Sal is thrilled with the win and now a big Lester fan.

The showdown begins tonight. The Yankees will be home and looking for blood after being drubbed on this road trip, and who better to take it out on than the Red Sox? Gentlemen, hold your ground. Dice, make us proud.

(Moose pic lifted from mlb.com)

GO SOX!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Happy Happy Joy Joy

Ozzie Guillen after the game:

"Remember, they sweep this time, but I sweep them in the big one, and it helped get me a ring. That's when it counts."

Yeah, right, Ozzie. You've been listening too much to those Yankee fans, they of the "26 rings" mantra, the masters of resting on their ancient laurels. Man, that sweep was nearly two years ago, buddy, and if I were you, I wouldn't be bringing up anything that reminds people that less than twenty-four months ago the Chicago White Sox won the World Series. All it does is make this year's breathtaking free fall-the Pale Hose are sitting pretty beneath the Kansas City Royals in the central, for crissake!-all the more stark. Not to take anything away from the performance of the Red Sox, but these guys played like they couldn't wait to get on the links. Can they possibly be this bad, or were they simply mailing it in? Sorry, Oz, but I just don't see any sweeps of anyone in your near future, not even in the Chicago Little League. So shut up and live in the now.

I did have to laugh at a post over on the White Sox fanboard after the game, though: "The only guy I feel sorry for is Reinsdorf. 40 players ripped him off for $108 million." True enough. Jerry Reinsdorf may be a jerk, but he has proven over the years that he does want to win and will commit resources to doing so. This weekend's performance must be killing him.

But anyway, this is a Red Sox blog, so it's time to focus. What a great, great weekend. This is what  we've been waiting for all year, really, some kind of sign that this team is more than just a pretty bullpen, that they can put it all together for more than a game at a time and be absolutely breathtaking in the process. It was like listening to Pavarotti in his prime singing "Lamento di Federico," or watching Picasso paint "Guernica." Each game of the four was one arching movement in a well orchestrated symphony of clutch hits, great defensive plays, and spectacular pitching. It was incredibly beautiful to watch. Bravo, Red Sox! Bravo!

Of course, the win was made all the more sweet by the fact that the Yankees lost their game in Detroit this afternoon, with Jeter riding the bench because of a sore knee. When the Sox started this road trip, they were four games up and I was just praying they could hold on to that. Well, seven games into the trip, they are 7.5 up, with excellent prospects for being up 8.0 before they hit Yankee Stadium-it's Mussina vs Verlander at Comerica tomorrow. Mussina, as we all know, has stunk his last couple of times out, and Joe Torre has intimated that he will replace Moose in the rotation at least temporarily if he doesn't get his act together. Joe seems to be making a practice of throwing his players under the bus this year; first ARod, now Moose. Can you imagine Tito saying something like that? As maddening as it can be at times, Terry Francona always stands by his players, at least publicly.

Next stop, the Bronx. Dice-K vs Pettitte, whom the Red Sox have handled well this year. I think the comfortable scenario of visiting parks feeling like home probably comes to a screeching halt Tuesday in The House That Ruth Built, which really is as it should be.

(Pics lifted from mlb.com)

With Apologies to Ringo Starr...

Congrats to Tim Wakefield for a really spectacular second half, and for pitching as well as I can ever remember. In tribute, I wrote him a short song...

It comes on like a dream, the knuckler supreme
Tim’s been lookin’ so fine!
Won sixteen, and it’s beautiful, so divine!

It’s all flutter and whirl, watch it unfurl
Knuckleball floats past the pine
Won sixteen, and it’s beautiful, so divine!

Tim is hot now, wanna bet
He’ll mow ‘em down ‘fore he breaks a sweat!
When he’s out there, the bats all stop
Ooh, how he makes those hitters flop!

When he walks outta the ‘pen, and onto the mound
We know it’s gonna be fine!
Won sixteen, and it’s beautiful, so divine!

Won sixteen, and it’s beautiful, so divine!

I Rock...

...better than Theo Epstein. Seriously, I do. Once again, I call out a player for un-clutchness and the next day, that player turns into Kirk Gibson on gimpy knees. Case in point? Jason Varitek, who it seems like was about 0-for-50 entering yesterday's first contest, went 2-for-3 w/a walk yesterday and 4 RBIs. (Nice job, Captain. You can send me a cut of that $10 mil you're making this year, oh let's say $10,000 for every RBI the rest of the way.) Kevin Youkilis, for whom I called an intervention, goes 2-for-2 w/an RBI in the first game, and 2-for-5 (including his first homer since Aug. 6) in the second. For a ballplayer, Youk hardly makes any money, though, so I won't ding him for anything. The other guy I've been down on is Curt Schilling, whom I recently unceremoniously dismissed as being washed up and proclaimed Josh Beckett King of the Mound. While I still stand by that King of the Mound thing, yesterday Beckett struggled (although did notch #16, congrats there, buddy) and Schill cruised through six, giving up just one run on a Juan Uribe bomb in the first. Curt has to save his money, though, because he'll likely have to take a big cut next year. So I'll only take $5,000 per strike from him.

The Yankees owe me something, too, although it's debatable as to what that is. Since I became convinced of their omnipotence on August 13, they have gone 4-6, and dropped back 6.5 games in the division and three in the wild card. Roider Clemens turned in a Mussina-esque performance tonight, giving up six runs in five innings on six hits and a walk-good thing for him he wasn't in the Bronx, or he might have been booed off the mound again. In fairness, that game in Detroit didn't start until eleven o'clock (that's some rain delay), which is 'way past the old geezer's bedtime.

(Just for fun, let's listen to Suzyn Waldman wet herself again...) 

What a great day. Twenty-one runs in two games? The whole team looked like they had their act together, which in all honesty has been somewhat rare despite the record. Can I say with confidence that the Red Sox have their groove back? Nope, because tomorrow Mark Buehrle might shut them out on two hits. You never know with these guys. But I have a pretty good feeling that they can take 3/4 on the South Side.

It would be so nice to go into Yankee Stadium with a seven-game lead...

Wake in line to be the second 16-game winner in the AL. Think he can do it? I do, too. Game is on Fox tomorrow, so start warming up your mute buttons now.

(Beckett pic lifted from boston.com)

The Good Times Keep On Comin'

Rain postponed the Sox/Sox game last night. Great. Now on top of everything else, I get to fret because doubleheaders are tough to sweep and Kevin Cash will probably catch Game 2.

But not to worry! Well, as a Red Sox fan I will still worry about today, but as a Pats fan I am breathing a little easier this morning. In what can conservatively be called The Best News Yet for the Pats, it appears that Asante Samuel will be back on the field soon, poised to sign a $7.79 million dollar deal (about $7.4 mil more than he earned last year, btw) and return to the Pats in the near future. Which is especially good news, considering Chad Scott is done for the season (again). It also gives the team some depth at the position, so hopefully we won't be seeing my man Troy Brown out there defending anytime soon.

Season opener Sept. 9 vs the pathetic wannabe Jets. GO PATS!!!!