A Red Sox State of Maine

The Three Amigos

Just saw this one today....Hmmmm, Daily News, wonder why SportsCenter didn't choose Marbury and Richardson and Crawford for this ad? Ya think maybe it's because they suck?

Man. it's GOOD to be the king...of the Sports World, anyway! Welcome all to Fenway Castle and the Garden Palace! Especially you tourists from New York. We know you've never seen anything like this before!

Carlin on Steroids

As most of you know, I'm not a big Don Imus fan. I wasn't sorry to see him go last April and I think it's a sad commentary on our society that some brought him back a month or so ago to perpetuate his peculiar brand of boorishness on the listening public.

I do, however, like George Carlin, one of the most brilliant cultural observers of his generation, and I was directed to this screamingly funny commentary on baseball and the steroid commentary by Lupica. Click here to enjoy!

Oh, and lest I forget, congrats to the Pats on saving the best for last-now 16-0, with just three to go. Like King Coach Hoodie put it so eloquently last night, that was a fun way to end the season, and it's really exciting to be a part of this!

And for all of you still chomping at the bit to spew more bilge to discredit this team and their accomplishments, to call them arrogant and classless? Another reason why that just isn't the case. What other football team can claim the backing of an entire foreign country?

Daily News Smackdown

Ok, so I've taken a few days over New Years's to go visit my dear friends-and fellow Red Sox fanatics- who live in western NY, big time Yankee territory. This morning, we went out grocery shopping (Wegman's-worth the trip to NY alone) and picked up a passel of NY papers. Check out, in part, this little ditty in the editorial section of the Daily News concerning tonight's Pats/Giants game

The New England Patriots, headquartered in Foxborough, are, in actuality, the Boston Patriots, so this is another Big Apple-Beantown battle, and the beanheads have done abnormally well in recent years in various sports though they still don't know how to pronounce the word "Celtics."

Much civic pride and bragging rights are riding upon the outcome. Or so it is believed in Boston.

New Yorkers know that, no matter what the final score, this will still be New York. And Boston will still be Boston.

Hee-hee. Where shall I start?

First of all, Patriots fans aren't concerning themselves over "bragging rights" over the NY Giants. Can you just imagine this scenario: Hey, dudes! We did it! We beat the freakin' NY Giants! They took that fucking Eli down, man! It was so freaking awesome!

No, nobody in Beantown is concerning themselves over beating a NY team this time around. We are chopeful that the Pats can maintain their 16-0 record, and the Giants, from NY, just happen to be the team standing in the way this time. However, substitute "Patriots" for "Giants," and then "Brady" for "Manning," and you get the idea how many NY Giants' fans will feel in the morning if hell actually does freeze over in the Meadowlands. Yup, the NY'ers will be falling all over themselves about how they took the big, bad Pats "down" if they win. For the Pats and their fans, it's just another step. There will be no bragging on any kind unless the final record is 19-0. Beating the Giants? Who cares? What have the Giants done of significance lately besides...nothing?

As for the Celtics, well, dictionary.com lists two acceptable pronunciations, one of which is the way the entire NBA and its' fans-including those from NY-say the word. Oh, and by the way, if I were a NY sports observer, I'd be far more worried about the fact that the Knicks are 8-20, Stephon Marbury has already mailed in the season, and the team continues to make apologies for an unabashed sexual harasser than I would be about how a team from the north pronounces their team name.

They also have it wrong concerning the geography. The Pats live in Foxborough, it's true, but they are no more the sole province of the city of Boston than are the Red Sox. In fact, it would really be more correct to change the name to the New England Red Sox than it would be the Boston Patriots. Whoever wrote that sentence clearly has no inkling of how deep our regional pride in our teams goes. More likely, he just doesn't care.

Finally, yes, New York is indeed New York. And you guys at the Daily News can keep it and lay sole claim to it, just like you do your juicers and cheaters and Steinbrenner stumblers and crooked Giulianis and weasel Keriks and losing teams and teams that only won because of the juice.

We'll take our Revolutionary history and our great quality of life, along with our World Series champions, our three-time Super Bowl winners (marching towards four), and our best record in the NBA...and then we'll just politely shove it all up your ass.

Please. Put your pen down. Your insecurity and false bravado are showing as plain as an Eli Manning pick.

See you tonight at 8:15pm...with no bragging rights on the line for us.

Fins and Fans in Full Panic Mode

The '72 Miami Dolphins and their fans are working themselves into a frenzy over the thought that their precious, only-team-to-go-undefeated season might soon be history. It's almost as much fun to watch as Yankee fans working themselves into pretzels by both a) denying he ever used steroids and b) proclaiming that if he did, he used them in Boston, too. Check this out this representative example from Joey Johnson:

So here come the 1972 Miami Dolphins — the Perfect Dolphins — back in the news. And as usual, they are being portrayed as a group of bitter old men, clinging to the past, probably sticking pins in a Bill Belichick voodoo doll while the champagne chills on ice.

Hey, if the Patriots can actually do this, more power to them. It's a remarkable accomplishment, although it's hardly a feel-good story.

After all, the team was, um, caught cheating, fined an unprecedented $750,000 and stripped of next season's first-round draft pick. Oh, that.

Well, Joey, they're being portrayed as a group of bitter old men clinging to the past because they are a group of bitter old men clinging to the past. Otherwise, how do you explain this:

Don Shula: "The Spygate thing has diminished what they've accomplished. You hate to have that attached to your accomplishments. They've got it. Belichick was fined $500,000, the team was fined $250,000 and they lost a first-round draft choice. ... I guess you got the same thing as putting an asterisk by Barry Bonds' home run record."

You don't get more snarky than that, and this is from the head coach. Oh, and the cheating garbage, Joey? Johnson has apparently forgotten his Dolphins were docked a first round draft pick for violation of league rules by tampering with Shula while he was still under contract with the Baltimore Colts. So, the Dolphins cheated. Shula owes his undefeated season to the Dolphins' lack of scruples. As for Shula, well, he had to backtrack on that comment almost immediately after bloggers galore reminded him of his own little cheating scandal. Remember the pot and kettle, Don and Joey. And now please just shut the fuck up. 

Mercury Morris, the poster boy for bitter, has been running his gums more than Schilling: "When I see you next door moving your furniture in, that's when I know you're going to the championship and you're about to play. And when you win it, I'll be dressed up in a tuxedo waiting on my bride." And then there was: "People are so envious of this record for no apparent reason other than the fact we have it. I don't care what those people think."

One gets the idea that if Morris were a Yankee fan, he'd still be sitting in the bleachers at the stadium chanting, "19-18!" What a tool.

Even the kicker has gotten into the act. Garo Yepremian said the Pats need to bring their camera into the HOF.

So, yeah, Joey. They're old, bitter Johnny one-notes living exclusively on 35-year-old accomplishments. Read these comments and I dare you to say otherwise with a straight face.

As for the Pats' being a "feel-good story," how much of a feel-good story have the '72 Fins become, a bunch of champagne-popping, arrogant, gloating old impotents? Everything they do is "Perfect Season" this or "Perfect Season" that. To paraphrase Joe Biden, everything out of their mouths has been a noun, a verb, and "Perfect Season."   And you know something else, Joey?  The tide of public opinion is turning, in every place except South Florida and maybe Cleveland and New York, in favor of the Patriots. Excellent play will do that. The Pats have proven they can blow teams out as well as win tight ones. They've proven they can beat other excellent teams, and beat them on the road. They can win through the air, and they can win on the ground. The feeling permeating the football-loving world is like the one I had when I was at Fenway Park last season and watched ARod drive a Papelbon fastball over the right field wall. I don't like ARod or his team, but one of these days he'll be the home run king, and now I can say I saw one of his shots. I witnessed a part of history being made.

My point? The Pats may or may not go undefeated this season. I have no idea and am making no predictions. They may or may not win the Super Bowl. I can tell you that 18-1 will mean nothing to them or their fans. But if they do go undefeated, I can guarantee you that they will forever handle themselves with a whole lot more class and humility than Joey Johnson's precious but pathetic '72 Fins have the past few years. You will never hear "perfect season" come out of Tom Brady or Bill Belichick's mouth if they both live another 100 years, much less organize golf tournaments named for it. This team will never pop corks or cheer in celebration of themselves at the expense of another.

In that respect, the Patriots have already proven themselves the better team.

A Bipartisan Effort

Huh. Pat Leahy must not get the NFL Network where he is. From the NY Times:

The Patriots-Giants game, which was to be broadcast Saturday night to less than half the country by the NFL Network, will be available to fans throughout the nation under an agreement reached Wednesday by NBC and CBS to simulcast it.

The league was also warned by Senator Patrick Leahy, Democrat of Vermont, and the chairman of the Judiciary Committee, and Arlen Specter, Republican of Pennsylvania, and a member of the committee, that it was “exercising its substantial market power to the detriment of consumers.” They cautioned that the strategy might lead to a re-examination by Congress of the league’s ememption from antitrust laws regarding the joint negotiation of its broadcast television rights.

The R.I and Conn. delegations registered their complaints as well.

You just gotta love the power brought to bear by the federal government, when something affects them enough to galvanize them into action. Maybe next the NFL should schedule a game in Pakistan, or the Sudan...

Plus another good point brought up on one of the message boards. See how smart we Pats fans are?

They've got the game having paid no rights fee, and plenty of time to sell for the local spots. Any chance we might see a political ad or two?

So prepare your mute buttons! Actually, considering the game is being called by Bryant Gumbel and Cris Collinsworth, you may want to keep the sound off altogether.

Mike Wallace, Clemens Fan

Don't waste your time watching the Rocket defend himself on "60 Minutes" on Jan. 6th. It's shaping up to be as big a fraud as his post-Sox baseball career.

In a telephone interview Monday, Wallace — who last interviewed Clemens for “60 Minutes” in 2001 — said representatives for Clemens had reached out to producers of the show in the hope that Wallace would agree to interview him.

“When we went down there to profile him, we went to his home, I watched him exercise, I watched him work out and he became my friend,” Wallace said. “He trusts me and is going to talk to me and I hope he can answer all the questions on my mind.”

Wallace acknowledged that some might perceive him as a less-than-perfect questioner because he is a Yankees fan. He has been a frequent guest of George Steinbrenner in Steinbrenner’s suite at Yankee Stadium, where Clemens played for six seasons and helped win two world championships.

“I like Steinbrenner, he liked me, we became good friends,” Wallace said. “I spent a lot of time in his suite.”

The whole thing struck me as bull as soon as it was announced, a coordinated PR piece that Clemens' sycophants could point to and say, see?? Even the notoriously hard-hitting Mike Wallace couldn't break him!! He's innocent! Sounds to me like Wallace is already beginning to make apologies for a what's turned out to be a lovefest between him and Clemens. My guess? Clemens is as scripted and rehearsed as a Johnny Cochrane defense witness, and Wallace, all too eager to profile the pride of the Yankees in the best possible light, is handed a list of approved softball questions. After all, Clemens "likes and trusts" those at 60 Minutes. They're now his buddies, as Wallace himself admits.

What a fucking crock. What kind of hard-hitting and balanced piece can we expect from an admitted lapdog? I can guarantee you that I won't be watching what promises to be a ludicrous farce.

You know who I'd really like to see do this interview? Tom Ricks of the Washington Post (he knows a Fiasco when he sees one), or maybe even Al Franken (he already has a lot of experience outing Lies and the Lying Liars Who Tell Them, after all!)

Season's Greetings!

It's the Same in Any Language

In Italian:

Patriots inarrestabili

Contro i Dolphins 15 successo in 15 gare, ok anche i Colts

Nel campionato Nfl, 15ª vittoria su 15 gare per i New England Patriots (battuta Miami). Successo anche per i Colts, Packers battuti dai Bears.

In Spanish:

Van directo al invicto

Pats vencieron a Dolphins y están a un triunfo del 16-0. Randy Moss y Tom Brady quedaron a una anotación cada uno de los récords de recepciones de TD y pases de TD, respectivamente

And certainly in English:

Pats first to 15-0; more history awaits

All that stands between the Patriots and immortality are the New York Giants. Thanks to the worst team in football acting the part, and the Patriots doing what was necessary, the perfect regular season is now thisclose to being complete.

With yesterday’s 28-7 win over the Dolphins, there’s now one more opponent left to conquer to complete the historic regular-season sweep.

In case you missed it, the Pats won going away yesterday but got some help from the Dolphins, who really showed us why they're so terrible most of the afternoon. Case in point: Cleo Lemon, with the chance to at least score a touchdown, ran out of bounds outside the pylon, with the ball in his right hand. Jesus, Cleo! All you've got to do is break the plane with the football! Really, the game could have been a lot closer, although I suspect that if Lemon makes that play-or the Dolphins score on their other significant red zone threat in which they came up empty-Brady doesn't spend the entire second half essentially goofing off, looking to tie the TD pass and receptions records by forcing the ball to Moss.

Ah, well. No matter. A record tied or beaten against a NY team on their own turf will be just as nice, as will completing an undefeated regular season. My guess is that Brady and maybe Moss will have the records in the books before the first half is over, and as the bell rings on the 4th quarter, the Pats will be 16-0.

Or, as Tedy Bruschi so eloquently put it:  "I want to play. I want to win. And if what it means this week is being 16-0, yeah, I want it."

After that, of course, the real season begins. I mean, would anybody still be talking about the '72 Dolphins if they hadn't run the table?

(Pic lifted from Yahoo! Sports)

I See Your Lips Moving, But Nothing Comes Out

With this strongly worded denial, Roger Clemens seems to be doing everything he can to clear his name against the evil lies in the Mitchell Report.

Well, except sue anybody.

Or take a lie detector test.

Or volunteer to testify under oath in front of Congress.

The only thing missing in this maudlin self-pitying crock is Billy Joel in the background singing "Innocent Man."

Sheesh. What a freakin' load this guy is.

Red Sox (Almost) Run The Table

The TYIB Awards are in, finally, proving again that not only do most Red Sox fans have a computer, but we are very skilled at a) sitting at them for hours mindlessly hitting the "Vote Now!" buttons or b) otherwise manipulating them to make sure our cyberwill is done-remember Nomar's ballot-stuffed election to the ASG in 1999, and, on the flip side, Scott Podsednik's humiliation of Derek Jeter in the 30th Man Vote in 2005? (We probably have a lot to thank White Sox and Met fans for in that case as well, but I freely admit I sat there and voted for Scott Posednik many times...many, many times...ok, an embarrassing amout of times.) Then last year, an entire real nation as well as the figurative one got behind the Sox and helped voted Hideki Okajima snare the last spot on the '07 All Star squad.

Sox fans, buoyed by our most recent WS win, voted the party line and elected the following as TYIB award winners:

Josh Beckett-Starter of the Year, proving that the average fan knows more than your average baseball writer about evaluation of talent. 35% of the vote compared to 6% for Cy winner Sabathia. Yankee fans must have been trying a little ballot stuffing of their own, what with Wang getting about 12%.

Jonathan Papelbon-Closer of the Year. The biggest Duh vote of them all. Rivera wasn't even on the ballot, but I guess that $45 million makes that oversight a little less hard to swallow. (Speaking of hard to swallow, how about this one from Mariano the Great, when asked if he ever tried HGH: "I don't even know what that was," he said. “I am so naïve I don't even know what those things are. It never even crossed my mind to do those things. For me, those things don't exist." Yeah, right, Mariano. You were in a clubhouse where guys were apparently shooting up with impunity, and you had no idea what was going on? Spare me. I'm not accusing you of anything improper, but DO NOT tell me you don't know what 'roids and HGH are. None of us fell off a turnip truck yesterday.) 

Clay Buchholz-Performance of the Year. This was the most surprising one to me, considering he was up against two much better known pitchers (Buerhle and Verlander) who also threw no-hitters. But it really wasn't close-he garnered 35% of the vote, compared to Verlander's 21%.

Hideki Okajima-SetUp Man of the Year. Oki took this one going away, with 45% of the vote! What an unexpected gift this guy was this season. This is just our way of saying どうもありがとう。 

Even Manny got in on the act, garnering-what else?-Blooper of the Year honors for attacking a camera with a foul ball. Just Manny Being Manny.

But for me, the award with most meaning is the last one-J.D. Drew winning The Best Postseason Moment. The most wonderful and lasting victory stories are those of redemption, and Drew was this year's Derek Lowe. After a long, lousy season ("I'm sure he's not real proud of the season he had," Curt reminded us after the game), and hearing boos and catcalls from the merciless Fenway faithful, something in him snapped and he showed us he was more than just the sum of his stats. Good show, J.D.! Beckett gave us hope back in game five; you gave us confidence in game six. Was game seven ever really in doubt?

In case you've forgotten how great it was, here's a recap:

Of course, if there had been a "Non-Red Sox Best Moment Category," I would have surely voted for our old friend and FFDD Trot Nixon taking the old washed-up cheater Roger Clemens deep for one last time, the last start of the Roider's career. (I called that one, remember?) Trot provided a more than fitting exclamation point to the end of Clemens' completely fraudulent career.

Congrats to all the Red Sox winners!