After I outgrew Saturday morning cartoons and comic books, George Carlin taught me not only what was funny, but also what was stupid, mean and hypocritical and why. I owe my zero idiot tolerance in no small part to this man.
RIP, George. You'll be missed. You already are.
Because white men vote Republican, and since a) I'm not interested in having an intimate relationship with a Republican sympathizer, and b) I live the whitest state in the nation, that somewhat limits my choices.
Just days after complaining I hardly ever see blue jays anymore, this one showed up outside my window this morning. It's a tad blurry because I snapped him through a screen.
I think I'll name him Spot.
You wouldn't really think the death of the old country and gospel singer would mean that much to me, especially. He was nearly ninety years old, after all, and as far as I'm concerned there's a special kind of hell reserved just for the propagators of country music. It makes my ears bleed. Interestingly, though, I am able to hum the tune and recite the lyrics to nearly all of the best known Eddy Arnold songs, such as:
I'm sending you a big bouquet of roses
One for every time you broke my heart
And as the door of love between us closes
Tears will fall like petals when we part
and:
How many arms have held you and hated to let you go
How many how many I wonder but I really don't want to know
How many lips have kissed you and set your soul aglow
How many how many I wonder but I really don't want to know
as well as:
Make the world go away and get it off my shoulder
Say the things you used to say and make the world go away
Why is that, you ask? Well, because my father was a huge Eddy Arnold fan, and I grew up on Eddy's LP's playing nearly day and night on the old turntable in the living room. So, I mourn the death of Eddy today-even though the music may make me cringe, it still brings a smile of remembrance and nostalgia and makes me think of Dad.
RIP, Mr. Arnold. And be sure to look up Gordon when you get to where you're going next. He was a big fan of yours.
Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?
Why don't you ever see the headline 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?
Why is 'abbreviated' such a long word?
Why is it that doctors call what they do 'practice'?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid
made with real lemons?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
One of the reasons I know global warming is a real and true phenomenon is that the once-ubiquitous blue jays have all but disappeared from my neighborhood, and I can only assume it is because they have travelled north to a climate more to their liking. They seem to have been replaced by cardinals, like this one outside my window this morning. The pretty red birds are not quite yet what you would call ubiquitous, but they are certainly more plentiful than they were just a few short years ago.
I miss the preening, cackling jays. Cardinals are just as beautiful but don't seem to have the same attitude.
About 15 years or so ago, my friend Marianne and I were out on the town to have some fun, bar hopping. As we were sitting in one place sizing up our prospects, a man came over and asked me if I'd like to dance. I politely declined, and after he left Marianne and I dissolved into helpless roars of laughter. "Did you see him?" she gasped in between gales. "He was wearing bifocals!"
Uh-huh. Well, it was funny at the time, but eventually what goes around comes around. Today, in a rite of passage, I became the proud owner of my very first pair of bifocals. I've needed them for at least a couple of years, actually-almost immediately after I hit 40, my eyes began to slack off in a serious manner and I've been wearing store bought reading glasses intermittently (I say "intermittently" because I forget them a lot) almost that long. I was finally talked into taking the plunge by my very cute optometrist who said, "You can get progressive lenses, you know, and no one will know you're wearing bifocals."
Doc, I'm 44 years old. It will come as a shock to no one that I am wearing bifocals. But I got the progressives anyway.
So I was fitted for them Saturday and LensCrafters called me today to tell me they were ready. Not only did I get my new glasses, I got a little tutorial by a guy at least 10 years younger than I am about how to make the most of my new vision experience: Aim my nose directly at what I am looking. No more using peripheral vision-if I want to change lanes, for instance, I have to point my nose in the direction of the lane I'm headed to. If I want to read, I need to tilt my head back slightly to get to the "progressed" part of the lenses. He suggested watching TV with a amagzine in front of me to practice switching from distance to reading smoothly.
Well, so far, so good. I challenged myself by going grocery shopping right afterwards-it's odd but not quite as bad as I imagined it would be. He said it would take about two weeks of steady wearing before i'd get really used to them. Just keep my nose aimed at what you're looking at and I'll be fine. The computer may be an issue, though-I have my new glasses on my head as I type this...
Red Sox and The Nation simultaneously tonight, and tomorrow, it's on to the clinical setting with my students. Wish all those poor patients luck!
I own a little tiny, old house, bought 10 years ago. In that time, I have done a lot of work on it-replaced the roof and the windows, paved the driveway, sanded (some) of the floors, as well as painted and planted. It's in better shape than when it was bought, for sure.
My next project? The bathroom. Like most old houses, it's very small (when I say small I mean small-like 4'x5'), so that should keep the cost down somewhat, but here is what I want done:
-New floor (tile would be nice)
-Refinish the bathtub (it's clawfoot that somebody, years ago, painted green). I actually might chuck that idea and just go for a shower to maximize space
-Remove the peeling old paper and fake wainscoting and paint both walls and ceiling.
Any ideas as to how much this might cost, or know anybody who wants to do it?
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I waited until the last minute to file my taxes this year, because I was pretty sure I was going to have to pay...and guess what? I'm not-I'm actually getting a refund, and a pretty significant one at that. Good. Maybe now I can pay off my snow removal bill.
This is the 96th anniversary of the sinking of the Titanic.
Why is Barack Obama's "bitter voter" remarks getting so much negative airplay but no one seems to care that John McCain's supporters are blatant racists? Don't ever tell me there's a "left wing bias" in the media, especially when it comes to golden Boy Mccain. And besides...did Obama say anything that wasn't true? Case in point: I was coming off 295-S onto the turnpike yesterday, and a guy in a pickup with a gun rack and a "Fuck You Jane Fonda" bumper sticker refused to pull over to let me out even though there was no one else around him for miles! Jerk. I mouthed the word "asshole" at him and he gave me the finger. I don't know if he's clinging to religion or not, but he's clearly gun-happy and bitter, and apparently holds a long grudge. Dude, Fonda was thirty-five years ago. Extend your arms, open your hands, and let it go.
J.Jill is the best women's clothing store there is, although it's a bit pricey. Still, it's very stylish and everything always runs true to size-I almost never have to send anything back. My taste runs to stuff like this and this, but I'll have to wait for it all to go on sale. I did buy a few things on clearance today, as well as a full price pair of earrings. Summer's coming, and you can never have too much linen.
This is Civil Rights Day in Major League Baseball, where all ballplayers are invited to don Jackie Robinson's #42 in honor of the pioneer breaking the color barrier in 1947. My favorite team, the Red Sox, actually only has one African-American player, Coco Crisp, and one coach, DeMarlo Hale. Both will be wearing #42 tonight as will David Ortiz, who is from the Dominican Republic. Even if you're not a big baseball fan, I'd really recommend Robinson's autobiography I Never Had It Made. Amazing man.
In a similar vein, this is also National Jazz Month. I celebrated in my car on the ride from Wells to South Portland this afternoon, listening to Afternoon Jazz with Rick Tozier on NPR. The 8pm Friday night jazz program has an Ella Fitzgerald focus this week.
I wish my doctor were more like my vet. I took the foster kids and Mom in to have their spay/neuter surgeries today, and the vet and his assistant took them out, cuddled them, and told them how sweet and cute they were and how privileged the office was to be in their presence. I go to my doctor and I'm greeted by a receptionist whose first question is "do you have the same insurance?" and all I get is a fish-eyed look from the skinny MD bitch telling me how much weight I've gained since I was there last and do I really want to go on B/P meds if I don't have to, and why haven't I made a mammogram appointment? Nobody tells me how special I am when I go for my appointments. In fact, I come out feeling like an abject failure as a patient. Whoever teaches nurturing in vet school needs to make a guest lecture in medical school.
Over 2/3 of the country disapproves of George Bush, but John McCain is tied with both Hillary and Obama as of this writing. Go figure. It only goes to show, as Chris Matthews pointed out, that Democrats never miss an opportunity to miss an opportunity.
Three and a half more weeks of school, and then summer vacation is upon the community college system. We don't get paid much, but the fringe benefits are awesome!
First of all, I want you all to know I feel very shallow about this. But in all honesty, I had no choice.
For several years, I had both my long distance and cell phone service through a company called Working Assets, since renamed Credo-it made me feel that I was doing something to help out causes that were important to me, even if it was just talking on the phone. I could round up my phone bill every month and the extra went straight to noble causes. I always tried to pay that one on time.
Well, one of my New Year's resolutions was to start trying to live within my means (although $700 snow removal this season and a staggering natural gas bill continue to make that challenging!) and one of the first things I took a fish-eyed look at was my phone usage. I'm not a big talker-I say what I called for and then hang up-and the cheapest plan I could get through Working Assets was $30/month for 200 anytime minutes, plus roaming. All well and good, except I didn't use anywhere near that much time, and a lot fo the time I did use it I was outside the service area (I work in Wells) so it cost me a lot more. The other was my long distance, which, no matter what I did, I couldn't get below $60/month. So nearly $100 a month just for phone service.
I had been thinking about this for a year, and finally I just held my nose and made the switch to digital phone, which, after I added it on, I ended up getting for almost exactly the same price as I was already paying for cable and road runner service. This is egregiously hypocritical on my part because I absolutely detest Time Warner Cable-and I mean hate them with a passion-but sixty bucks is sixty bucks.
Next, I cancelled my mobile phone and went with a Tracfone-$15 bucks for the phone, and then you prepay as you go along. I bought 60 minutes for 90 days for $19.99, got 10 bonus minutes for signing up online and another 10 minutes and 30 days as a thank you. I can always buy more if I need more, and right from the phone. So instead of $30 minimum a month-usually closer to $40-I could pay as little as $6.67 if I'm careful with my use, and minutes can rollover.
Overall, I've gone from $100/month to $6.67. I feel guilty because I've gotten pleading letters from Credo telling me about all the good causes I'm now not supporting, but I'm just going to have to be hardhearted and toss them out. I mean, there has to be another way to save rainforests and fight global warming without using my telephone...right?
