A Red Sox State of Maine

Keith Takes on The Roider

....although he only makes it to third on the Worst Person list. Remember, Olberman is a Yankee fan, too. I'd also watch the whole clip, as it's always worth it to watch Keith eviscerate O'Reilly.

Oh, and that unethical tape recorded convo yesterday? What the hell was that supposed to prove, except that Clemens' feelings were hurt and McNamee feels really, really bad about it? And didn't you expect Roger to, like, double his size and turn green while he was going off on the writers about the HOF yesterday? Sheesh. Take a pill, Roger. Desperate times call for desperate measures, I guess.

SI has posted a story about McNamee's reaction to the Roider's version of events on 60 Minutes. I'll tell you, between the phone call and this story...the trainer is coming off as more sympathetic and believable by the hour.

Another great take by Gene Wojciechowski  here.

A Razzie-Worthy Performance

Jose Canseco said that Roger Clemens was the only ballplayer Canseco ever saw who didn't cheat on his wife. Well, after watching that "60 Minutes" charade last night, you can see why. The Roider is a terrible liar, and Debbie Clemens does not strike me as a woman you really want to mess with.

I wasn't going to watch it, I swear. But I did, and I remain more convinced than ever that Clemens is the biggest liar on the face of the planet. I should have live blogged it just to have more perfectly captured my reaction to it. But I'll try and hit some of the high points here.

Where to start? One, the very fact that he's already changed his story, from, "I was never injected with anything" to "Yeah, I was injected, but it was with lidocaine and B12." Nothing challenges credibility more than flip-flopping. Just ask Mitt Romney.

Hedging is another tactic that doesn't sit well with the general public, such as Roider's answer to the lie detector test-he might take one but inidcated there's nothing reliable about them-"Some say they're good, some say they're not." Nothing that will reliably get him off the hook is what he means. I'm sorry, Rog. If someone had smeared me in front of the whole country, you couldn't hook me up to one of those fast enough.

When Roger went off about Vioxx? What the hell was that? I'm still not sure what point he was trying to make there. First, he says his trainer gave him "B12 and lidocaine," because that's what good trainers do, then he rips them for the Vioxx? So giving him the lidocaine in a manner not indicated for arthritis is good, but the Vioxx that was is bad? "I was eating Vioxx like it was Skittles. And now -- now these people who are supposedly regulating it, tell me it's bad for my heart." Ummm, Roger? Vioxx was a legal drug, prescribed for joint pain, and the people regulating it were the FDA, not your trainers. It was pulled from the market in 2004 because it was associated with a higher risk of stroke and heart attack. What in God's name does that have to do with anything? It seems suspiciously like a "let's throw everything we've got against the wall and see what sticks" approach. The Vioxx, for all it's problems, was indicated for and was probably effective for the pain issues...unlike a local shot of lidocaine in the ass, which would only work to numb up the area it was injected into. Two strikes for you there, Rog.

"Why didn't I keep doing it if it was so good for me?" he asks plaintively. Well, at some point the league finally caught up with the federal law and banned the crap you were shooting up, and instituted mandatory testing. I'm not convinced that stopped him, but that's one explanation. As for the "Why didn't I break down? Why didn't my tendons turn to dust?" question that immediately followed...well, I don't know. Why didn't Canseco's? Why didn't Bonds'? Why didn't the entire WWE? Why didn't Lyle Alzado's? (Oh, sorry. He just died of a brain tumor linked to his long term steroid use.)

"I think it's a self-inflicted penalty, " he says when Wallace asked him what should happen to ballplayers who take steroids. "They break down quick. It's a quick fix. They're in and out of the game." Sure. Bonds and Palmeiro and Canseco were all flash-in-the-pans. Typical guilty answer-isn't what they've done to themselves punishment enough? Ask Curt Schilling-a guy who has never been associated with steroid use or shyness-and he'll tell you what a clean ballplayer thinks should happen to a guy who dopes.

Oh, and this one is beautiful-"If I have these needles and these steroids and all these drugs, where did I get 'em? Where is the person out there (who) gave 'em to me? Please, please come forward." Ummm, he already did, Roger...perhaps you know him. His name is Brian McNamee.

And you knew nothing about what was going on with Andy Pettitte? Please. That just doesn't pass the straight face test.

And the transcript doesn't really give you an idea of his demeanor or body language. Belligerent. Lots of blinks. Clearly uncomfortable while Wallace is talking about the Mitchell Report, all those sips of water, like the fight-or-flight reaction was kicking in (dry mouth is a typical response to all that sympathetic nervous system stimulation!)

SI is reporting that Clemens filed a defamation suit against Brian McNamee just before the show aired last night. I guess we know what the emotional phone call was about yesterday. Rog and his lawyers saw the same thing most of the public did last night, even during a softball puff piece-an angry, desperate man lying through his teeth, spewing half-truths and denials but at the same time being very evasive when pinned down to specifics. Really, good legal move on the part of Clemens' lawyers. Now neither he can't now be compelled to testify in front of Congress, since there is an active civil suit in process. And get this-Clemens is claiming not only did McNamee lie to Mitchell, he did so at the behest of federal agents. Clemens' suit alleges the feds threatened to jail McNamee if McNamee didn't specifically name Clemens as a user. He fails to explain why the feds would be particularly interested in connecting the dots directly to the Roider, but I guess I'll chalk this up to another "throw-it-on-the-wall-and-see-what-sticks." He's hoping that by the time he actually has to give testimony under oath, Congress' interest in this will have waned, and he knows (despite his poor mouthing to Wallace last night-what, does he have to give back the measly $17 mil he ripped the Yankees off for last season?) that he's the only one with the unlimited resources to keep stonewalling the process. But, oh, there's nothing staged about this lawsuit at all. Nothing at all. But I'd bet on it being quietly resolved without ever going to court as soon as the hearings in front of Congress pass.

In other words, a win-win for both he and McNamee.

Finally, Rog, just a little observation here: in order to claim your character was defamed, you have to have had some beforehand. When you whine that no one is giving you any respect, it's pretty simple to figure out why: you never had any to begin with, at least not amongst anyone not blinded by hero worship. Had you conducted yourself as something other than an arrogant, disrespectful, me-first prick, people might have been more willing to give you the benefit of the 0.000001% doubt in this case.

Quote of the Day

Overheard on the Red Sox Fan Forum:

Why was McNamee giving Clemens shots of lidocaine in the butt? I know many people have considered Clemens a huge pain in the äss for years now, but I never thought he had the same effect on himself.

Ba-da-boom! Give that man a cigar.

I'll Take "I Fell Off A Turnip Truck Yesterday" for $1000, Alex!

Check this out. HOW MUCH LAMER can this charade possibly get?

Roger Clemens said former trainer Brian McNamee injected him with the painkiller lidocaine and the vitamin B-12, according to the first excerpts released from the pitcher's interview with CBS's "60 Minutes."

McNamee said in the Mitchell report on doping in baseball that he personally injected Clemens with steroids in 1998 while with the Toronto Blue Jays, and with steroids and human growth hormone in 2000 and 2001 while with the New York Yankees.

When asked by Wallace if McNamee had ever injected him with any drugs, Clemens, according to CBS, responds: "Lidocaine and B-12. It¹s for my joints, and B-12 I still take today."

Jesus, Roger. What were you thinking? Is this the best you can do? Do you think the American public are the stupidest group of people on the planet? (obvious answer: yes.) Why not just shake a finger in our faces and say, "I did not have sexual relations with that woman?" Because that's what you've been reduced to, buddy. You have a better chance of convincing me that I can make $5000 a day working eBay part time from my home computer than you will that you were shooting up with B12. I'd sooner believe a Baron Munchausen tale than the ridiculous, insulting lie you're trying to sell me. I mean, who's your advisor here? Tommy Flanagan from SNL? ("We'll tell them...it's for medicinal purposes! A painkiller! Yeah, that's the ticket!!!") I'm not a lawyer, but man, I've gotta think you'd've been better off sticking to your story that McNamee was a delusional lying crack addict than putting yourself at the scene of the crime by admitting you let him shoot your ass (and btw, B12 isn't necessarily a prescription drug, but you do need a physician's order for the needles and syringes-although there are some shady internet docs who would probably prescribe them for any five-year-old with fifty cents' allowance). At the very least, you could have come up with some excuse that was not so lame a NY blogger called it nearly three weeks ago: "Clemens could claim that he thought McNamee was injecting him with a Vitamin B-12 shot, a la Palmeiro with Miguel Tejada." (in fact, Jose Canseco stated in his book that "B12" is a code word for steroids). How much are you paying that lawyer that he has to steal retreaded ideas from bloggers?

The fall from grace and transformation of Roger Clemens from the most dominant pitcher of his generation and first ballot HOF lock to lying, begging, desperate mega-clown is remarkable. I have a feeling this ridiculous "60 Minutes" piece is just the beginning of the end for the Roider and his sad, sordid tale, and will be the coup de grace on the whole ugly steroid era.

Oh, well. You reap what you sow, Roger...which is one less Yankee hat in the Hall of Fame.

In other news, Kevin Youkilis is in hot water over a recent endorsement...and the Red Sox Chick sums up my feelings about it perfectly. Give 'em hell, Cyn!

The Answers To An Honest Interview

As the world prepares for the pro-Clemens puff piece to be aired on "60 Minutes" this Sunday, let's imagine what the world might hear if a REAL reporter-not an admitted lapdog-were actually to conduct the interview...

Mike Wallace, Clemens Fan

Don't waste your time watching the Rocket defend himself on "60 Minutes" on Jan. 6th. It's shaping up to be as big a fraud as his post-Sox baseball career.

In a telephone interview Monday, Wallace — who last interviewed Clemens for “60 Minutes” in 2001 — said representatives for Clemens had reached out to producers of the show in the hope that Wallace would agree to interview him.

“When we went down there to profile him, we went to his home, I watched him exercise, I watched him work out and he became my friend,” Wallace said. “He trusts me and is going to talk to me and I hope he can answer all the questions on my mind.”

Wallace acknowledged that some might perceive him as a less-than-perfect questioner because he is a Yankees fan. He has been a frequent guest of George Steinbrenner in Steinbrenner’s suite at Yankee Stadium, where Clemens played for six seasons and helped win two world championships.

“I like Steinbrenner, he liked me, we became good friends,” Wallace said. “I spent a lot of time in his suite.”

The whole thing struck me as bull as soon as it was announced, a coordinated PR piece that Clemens' sycophants could point to and say, see?? Even the notoriously hard-hitting Mike Wallace couldn't break him!! He's innocent! Sounds to me like Wallace is already beginning to make apologies for a what's turned out to be a lovefest between him and Clemens. My guess? Clemens is as scripted and rehearsed as a Johnny Cochrane defense witness, and Wallace, all too eager to profile the pride of the Yankees in the best possible light, is handed a list of approved softball questions. After all, Clemens "likes and trusts" those at 60 Minutes. They're now his buddies, as Wallace himself admits.

What a fucking crock. What kind of hard-hitting and balanced piece can we expect from an admitted lapdog? I can guarantee you that I won't be watching what promises to be a ludicrous farce.

You know who I'd really like to see do this interview? Tom Ricks of the Washington Post (he knows a Fiasco when he sees one), or maybe even Al Franken (he already has a lot of experience outing Lies and the Lying Liars Who Tell Them, after all!)

I See Your Lips Moving, But Nothing Comes Out

With this strongly worded denial, Roger Clemens seems to be doing everything he can to clear his name against the evil lies in the Mitchell Report.

Well, except sue anybody.

Or take a lie detector test.

Or volunteer to testify under oath in front of Congress.

The only thing missing in this maudlin self-pitying crock is Billy Joel in the background singing "Innocent Man."

Sheesh. What a freakin' load this guy is.

And Now Back To Our Regularly Scheduled Programming

Ok, after that little break, it's back to bashing Roger 24/7. Our friends over at Youtube have been busy little creatures as well, and have left us these works of art for our viewing pleasure...ok, so they're not really works of art, but it does just go to show what people with very little talent and too much time on their hands can accomplish with some inspiration.

I have a feeling he's going to wish he never, ever did this commercial...this is only one of several take offs on it over there.

And some interesting news from SI:

How will Hall of Fame voters treat Barry Bonds and Roger Clemens? In a survey of 90 veteran baseball writers who vote on player inductions, neither Bonds nor Clemens garnered the 75 percent that is required to gain entry into the Hall. Although this is only about a sixth of the writers who usually vote each year, it seems portentous for Bonds, the career home run leader with 762, and Clemens, who has 354 victories and a record seven Cy Young awards. Bonds received 53 votes, or 59 percent, while 28 writers said they would not vote for him and 9 were undecided. Clemens received less support, notching 50 votes, or 56 percent, while 27 writers voted against him and 13 were undecided. Writers were encouraged to give a definitive answer, with the understanding that future developments could change their opinions.

How very heartwarming, and just in time for the holidays. Kind of gives you a little faith in your fellow man, doesn't it?

The Media War

"I am disappointed that my 25 years in public life have apparently not earned me the benefit of the doubt, but I understand that Senator Mitchell's report has raised many serious questions. I plan to publicly answer all of those questions at the appropriate time in the appropriate way. I only ask that in the meantime people not rush to judgment."-Roger Clemens yesterday, in a statement released by his agent Randy Hendricks

Just so we're clear, Roger: I think you're a fraud and a liar. But that's no rush to judgment on my part, because I've thought so for over a decade. This just confirmed it.

"Roger Clemens said Tuesday that he has never used steroids in his life, no sir. Clemens also said he will respond more fully to the charges his former trainer, Brian McNamee, made about him in Sen. George Mitchell's report at the appropriate time. I know exactly when that appropriate time is. It's when baseball goes back in front of Congress in January."-Mike Lupica, in his Daily News column yesterday

Lupica has been in full assault asshole mode since the Mitchell Report came to life, and Mike, we love you for it, man. It was easier for Diogenes to find an honest man on the streets of Athens than it is to find one in the simpering sports media contingent these days.

I was listening to Rome talk about this yesterday, too, after Brian Roberts put out the latest laugh in this tragicomedy, and he made an interesting point: the players, who knew what was coming, have made a coordinated effort to tamp this down. I mean, look at their statements-I'm a man of integrity; I did it only to help my team; my sense of honor kicked in after that one or two times, and I've never done it again. It's ludicrous on its' face, but the Pettittes and Roberts of the world know that the homer contingent will buy it, and that's all they care about (kind of like when Dick Cheney goes on Limbaugh and tells the most fantastic lies that he knows nobody but his sycophantic 20% "base" will buy).  Unfortunately for Clemens, though, he is the one left out in the cold here, because the testimony about his use is so extensive and covers so many years. So he's left with only one option: Deny, deny, deny, and raise the issue of witness credibility-a guy whom Peter Gammons has already termed "a sewer rat." Well, as any prosecutor or cop will tell you, folks, you're not going to learn about criminal activity from choir boys and girl scouts. If you want information about what goes on in the sewer, you have to get it from the rats who live there.

Rats, in fact, like Brian McNamee.

The Facade of Denial Continues to Crumble

One of the loudest criticisms about the Mitchell Report has been that it has named players on the murkiest of evidence...players like Brian Roberts. David Segui had a fit when Roberts was named, saying he didn't deserve inclusion, he never saw Roberts doping, blah-blah-blah-blah-blah. It's all turning into such Charlie Brown teacher talk in my head now.

Brian Roberts, however, is now begging to differ:

"I would like to address the allegations that were made against me in the Mitchell Report. I will begin by saying that I have worked very hard to develop a good reputation both on and off the field. I have always taken pride in being a man of integrity and values. I know that by being a professional athlete, I am held to a very high standard. I never have and never will take that for granted. However, I am also human and I have made mistakes.

"In 2003, when I took one shot of steroids, I immediately realized that this was not what I stood for or anything that I wanted to continue doing. I never used steroids, human growth hormone or any other performance-enhancing drugs prior to or since that single incident. I can honestly say before God, myself, my family and all of my fans that steroids or any performance-enhancing drugs have never had any effect on what I have worked so hard to accomplish in the game of baseball. I am very sorry and I deeply regret ever making that terrible decision. My only hope and prayer is that the Orioles, my family, friends and fans that have supported me so faithfully will forgive me."

Please don't insult my intelligence, Brian, by giving me that one-and-done crap. I'd rather you said nothing at all.

Jesus. Is there nobody in the game this didn't touch?

Oh, sorry. According to his lawyer, shown below in a pre-recorded statement, Roger Clemens remains falsely accused.